[ she can tell, in his hesitation, in the tension, in what he isn't saying, that he carries a lot more than relief in his raspy tone. guilt. definitely guilt, peeking through the nonchalance and the dismissiveness, through the forced syllables. and inej knows that kaz is tense, and is (perhaps a bit comically) not moving a single muscle in order to remain a support for her, but also because she is certain he's uncomfortable with the contact.
why. she, of all people, should be afraid of people touching her. she should hate it the most. and she does, to a certain extent. certain things bother her. certain comments. and inej made herself promise, a long time ago, to never allow any man (or woman, for that matter) to take advantage of her again. but kaz feels different. it's a different tension, a different level of comfort, or lacktherof.
what happened to this boy that made him so broken.
still, inej draws in a breath and lifts her head from his shoulder, fingers gently smoothing out a wrinkle in his sleeve before maintaining the distance once more. her entire body aches, and inej knows she should go back to sleep. but she also knows kaz has been waiting here for her to wake up, judging from the circles underneath his eyes and the out-of-character wrinkles in his shirt. his lack of cane at his side.
awkwardly sitting on her bed like (and it hits her with an odd warmth in her chest) an out of touch teenage boy.
she decides, then, to carefully unfold her legs, to stretch them, scooting to the edge of the bed to sit next to kaz properly, letting her own feet touch the floor. it causes an exhale, from the effort, but sitting up to talk to him makes inej feel like more of his equal, and less a helpless little girl waiting for her knight in shining armor. ]
Next time. [ she breathes. ] We barely survived this time. I barely survived this time.
[ but in saying that, inej knows it will only make kaz feel worse, and so she drops her hand next to his own. not touching him, but offering it to him, if he wants to hold it. and she's quiet, for a long moment, sorting through her thoughts. through the ache in her ribs. ]
He asked a lot of questions about you. [ read: they tortured her. ] I answered none of them. [ would that make him feel better? likely not. inej isn't sure, anymore, what makes kaz brekker happy. she supposes she never did. but business is easy to focus on, and easy to talk about. ] I only told them that you would come for me, and there would be hell to pay for breaking a deal with Kaz Brekker. He laughed in my face and told me that Kaz Brekker had no more tricks. No more money. No more secrets.
[ she pauses, there. a question, clearly weighing on her mind. and she shifts her weight, slightly, to turn. to look at him, properly, hair framing her face, her knee touching his just the slightest amount, eyes boring into his. ]
I knew you would come for me. You would figure it out. You always do. [ she pauses, again. ] But where did you get the money, Kaz?
[ it's soft. not accusing, necessarily. and she may already know the answer. but she wants to hear it from him. ]
no subject
why. she, of all people, should be afraid of people touching her. she should hate it the most. and she does, to a certain extent. certain things bother her. certain comments. and inej made herself promise, a long time ago, to never allow any man (or woman, for that matter) to take advantage of her again. but kaz feels different. it's a different tension, a different level of comfort, or lacktherof.
what happened to this boy that made him so broken.
still, inej draws in a breath and lifts her head from his shoulder, fingers gently smoothing out a wrinkle in his sleeve before maintaining the distance once more. her entire body aches, and inej knows she should go back to sleep. but she also knows kaz has been waiting here for her to wake up, judging from the circles underneath his eyes and the out-of-character wrinkles in his shirt. his lack of cane at his side.
awkwardly sitting on her bed like (and it hits her with an odd warmth in her chest) an out of touch teenage boy.
she decides, then, to carefully unfold her legs, to stretch them, scooting to the edge of the bed to sit next to kaz properly, letting her own feet touch the floor. it causes an exhale, from the effort, but sitting up to talk to him makes inej feel like more of his equal, and less a helpless little girl waiting for her knight in shining armor. ]
Next time. [ she breathes. ] We barely survived this time. I barely survived this time.
[ but in saying that, inej knows it will only make kaz feel worse, and so she drops her hand next to his own. not touching him, but offering it to him, if he wants to hold it. and she's quiet, for a long moment, sorting through her thoughts. through the ache in her ribs. ]
He asked a lot of questions about you. [ read: they tortured her. ] I answered none of them. [ would that make him feel better? likely not. inej isn't sure, anymore, what makes kaz brekker happy. she supposes she never did. but business is easy to focus on, and easy to talk about. ] I only told them that you would come for me, and there would be hell to pay for breaking a deal with Kaz Brekker. He laughed in my face and told me that Kaz Brekker had no more tricks. No more money. No more secrets.
[ she pauses, there. a question, clearly weighing on her mind. and she shifts her weight, slightly, to turn. to look at him, properly, hair framing her face, her knee touching his just the slightest amount, eyes boring into his. ]
I knew you would come for me. You would figure it out. You always do. [ she pauses, again. ] But where did you get the money, Kaz?
[ it's soft. not accusing, necessarily. and she may already know the answer. but she wants to hear it from him. ]